saying goodbye and returning home

we went camping with friends. D plays beach volley as often as he can squeeze it in between all the rest, and a couple of times a year we go with the beach volley guys and their families to camp on the beach. it's a wild beach, no facilities, no nothing. just sand, sun and the best view when waking in the morning as the sun is rising, open the tent and look out over the sea with a cup of hot coffee.

this year my friend and her youngest son, who has been visiting, came with us. it was great, but i must admit i found it a bit hard to enjoy. see, usually this is one of these occasions where the roles are easily divided. this is mainly D's friend, he plays beach volley and i play with the kids . and then we all hang out together. but this time, being the last day of my friend's visit, i couldn't really find the passion to play in the sand. or to be with friends. i wanted to beam myself to a little cafe, or at home, with my friend, no kids, no beach volley friends. just the two of us to talk, drink wine and hang out before she will return home and we will once again be parted for so long.

and that made me feel sad. to not be able to really enjoy the time with her, with the kids, with D and his friends and their families. to enjoy the beach, the sun, the blue water and the salty sea air. because the summer is ending, and it will be a while before we will go camping again. and it is so damn beautiful, and usually that is exactly the place where i find peace at mind.

but then again. i'm just so bad at goodbyes. so bad that i can't even say it and i would probably not even have enjoyed to hang out, on a cafe or at home, only the two of us. because it would still be that time before the goodbye. and i am just so bad to part from the people i love and cherish. i'm not sure i could enjoy the time up to that point of saying goodbye even if i was right in heaven. which was pretty much exactly where we had our camping and spent the last time before she returned home. before the end of the summer.

now we have returned home too and yom kippur is almost about to set in. the quiet will fall on us.

we spent the morning cleaning the house and washing towels, sheets, clothes. then D went to clean the car. as i mentioned that we now had a clean house and a clean car, he asked with a smile, "but what about our souls?". since that is what yom kippur is all about. i'm not expecting any answers on that any time soon, but i hope we will have a peaceful day here at home. that would certainly do my soul some good.

chatima tova