Monday, October 19, 2009

good times. and some figuring out

i was going through photos from denmark. so, here we go again. these are from a great playground not far from my parents house. it's a nature playground, with wood, water and sand. and some more. the kids were wet and dirty when we got back home. and i'm a true believer, that dirty kids had the most fun.

i started the week feeling a bit sad and frustrated. my twins are having some problems socially as they don't communicate as well as other children their age. they are not behaving bad or violently, they 'just' have a hard time getting involved in the playing, making friends, the social life. we knew it would be like this as they have all the odds against them: premature. twins. boys. three languages spoken in the house. the thing that frustrates me is, that i cannot help them as much as i would like to. my hebrew is not that good and i don't feel natural speaking it. there are other factors in play here, but i will not go into detail. at least not today. i am still trying to find the positive approach and the clear view that will make this just another bump on the road. still not there, though. i feel like i am failing a bit here. and it sucks when you feel you fail as a parent. but i will work it out. just need a moment to get myself together.


on a more positive note: did you notice the bigger images? i finally figured it out after getting help from the good julochka. thank you :)
i settled on the x-large version after trying out even bigger. maybe i'll let them grow further over time.


  1. I am sending your way positive thoughts. I know how it feels to experience such feelings.
    I am sure you will work it out.
    Plus, it is such a great asset to speak 3 languages from the very beginning.

    The big pictures look wonderful!

  2. Oh, I hear this and I just want to HELP!

    Have you looked into social skills training programs for LD and Autistic children? I have no idea if your boys show any of those characteristics, but the programs have been used effectively for children who merely need a boost in the social skills department and have no LD whatsoever.

    I have a good friend/mentor who does workshops here in the United States with children who are struggling socially. Would you like for me to contact her with some ideas on programs you could try at home? Email me here if you would like me to do that:

  3. Denmark is a beautiful country (from what I have seen) dont worry about your twins, I am sure they will be fine. I always had trouble interacting socially at school - especially with group activities. I was super shy. its in many peoples nature and makes us different people! it would be pretty borign if everyone was the same! outspoken, loud and brash...

  4. There's so much pressure put on parents (and kids!) to make children socialize and learn etc early on these days! Just make sure they're happy and loved. They'll make friends when they're ready, when they're old enough to be curious about the world beyond their siblings, family and home.
    PS my daughter is a preemie too.

  5. oh dear, since my english isn't so good, i'll try to explain 1 ou 2 important things. Twins are different, they don't "need" to speak to communicate. And 3 languages at home !Wow, lucky boys, really. My father never spoke portuguese to me and my brother. And I'm still mad at him for that.Keep going your way and with your love they will be fine! take care xxx

  6. I wish you were'nt so hard on yourself Trinsch. Some things are out of your control, really... For all it's worth, you sound like an excellent mother. Things will work out, xo.

  7. well trinsch, those look like the four happiest boys i've seen! the three kids, and the dad!!! you can say anything you want, but the pictures show, you're the BEST mom!!!!

    see you again on wednesday! :)


  8. Trinsch, I wish I had some magic words of wisdom for you, but I don't even have children. I believe you are doing all the right things, it just takes awhile to see it all fall into places. I think to learn 3 languages is a tool that will pay off in time as they grow older. Heck I only speak english and at times that isn't even good! LOL...

    When I see my nieces and nephews hurt even as young adults my heart fills with pain so I can't imagine what it must feel like as a mother.

    My friend I can bet you are doing a fabulous job being your children's mom. You are doing something right by the look of the photos everyone is wearing big smiles. As long as they have their family in the corner things will fall into place in time. Friends come and go, but family is there through thick and thin. Many hugs to you and your family. xoxo

    PS I hope to get a small package out this week to you.

  9. I've taken care of 2 sets of twins (1 set was preemies) and they were all a bit slow at interacting with other kids [they just didn't find it as 'important' because they had each other.) It all changed when they were good and ready for it. I'm sure the same will happen with your boys.
    I wish I spoke 3 launguages; what a wonderful gift you're giving your boys.
    Best wishes

  10. Hang in there Trinsch.

    Your photos look beautiful!

  11. hi trinsch, am ready your post, and completely agree with ida.
    you give m love and so they can grow in their own way and time.
    your oictures and words always showing a lot of love. trust yourself, your love and your mans love for you and them.
    wishing you happy beatiful days, like your picture of the sky.

    thumps up for trinsch!

  12. don't worry, the kids will adjust, just give them time and your love ...

  13. Oh, Trinsch. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! As you know, all children develop and grow at all different rates. Some of the most brilliant people in history had later starts than the average person. I know your little ones are going to make an incredible mark in our world! Just from what I have read from your beautiful blog, you are an amazing mama to your beautiful boys! Hang in there! Thanks so much for being so real and sharing your heart! I feel very honored!

  14. having gone through this with one of my children (and only speaking one language at home) my heart ached a bit to read this, and i'm sorry you are going through it. there's so much pressure on our generation to be perfect parents and to provide the 'ideal' environment for our children, and of course we naturally want to do the right thing so it can be depressing when we feel that we're falling short. in our case we had teachers trying to convince us that something was not right with our child, and we invested many days and months agonizing over how to handle it and what to do. it robbed me of a good year out of enjoyment with my child and i'll never get that time back. it turns out that everything is fine; the teachers were trying to fit her in a box that she didn't belong in, and quite simply, they were wrong. she just needed a little more time to mature in certain areas.

    follow your intuition and know that you are doing the best you can :)

  15. Du har tre DEJLIGE dreng der er kærlige og kreative. Mine bh.klasse lærere syntes jeg skulle gå året om, men mine forældre sendte mig videre i 1.klasse. Og guess what, alt gik fint med gode karaktere og venner :-)

  16. i'm still catching up, can you tell?

    our daughter (now 8) was also premature (10 weeks!) and a twin (tho' we lost her twin sister). although socially, she never had issues, she couldn't handle crowded noisy situations until recently and she was definitely slower to speak and read because of growing up with two languages. it took extra help for her to crack the reading code (it doesn't help that danish spelling and pronunciation are so far apart). thankfully, her school recognized it and gave her the help she needed. but, like you, sometimes i feel a little helpless when i need to help her with homework. i speak and understand danish quite well (strangely, i never write it), but to explain grammar or why things are as they are, i'm no good.

    at least from a social standpoint, they have each other. :-) and you know what, it will be ok in the end.