this guy can be so thoughtful, so serious, so sensitive. he's going through a "shy" phase. not so much strangers as when he meets someone that was and is important to him that he didn't see for a while. after having seen his old nanny, that now lives in denmark, and his old daycare "mom", now living in hong kong, over pesach it's as if he has become a bit extra dependent on me. i have a feeling he's holding on to the "sure thing", after he was reminded of the people that he lost in some way.
thank you all so very much for your comments and thoughts to my last post. except the very practical language barrier problem, i think the hardest part about dealing with issues like this, is that we feel torn. on one hand i feel like they are perfect just the way they are, they are happy and not causing problems, as i said. so then i think, why "work" on them, why make them into a problem? shouldn't we not just give them time to develop in their own pace, their own way, and if they end up having some issues, well, then let's take it then. and in this sense issues should be defined as something they themselves are not happy with, not what we or any authority defines as a problem.
then on the other hand i feel that i might not be helping them if i don't acknowledge that they have problems with language, to construct and use language, to communicate and explain themselves. we already take them to speech therapist, but what if that is not enough? they also seem to have problems with focus and attention, and they don't respond well to general explanations and information given to a larger group. so maybe it would be irresponsible not to step in now before they end up suffering from not understanding what is going on, not being able to express themselves?
i do believe that most of (but not all) their attention and focus issues relate to a lack of language, and probably also maturity in general. but i am not sure whether "giving it time" will be the best approach, whether we need to step in and help them more to make sure they will not create social habits that will make them unhappy, that is, give them a fundamental feeling of being outside.
then there is the fact that our decision on how to approach this might collide with that of the institutions around us. if we go against the suggestions of their kindergarten for example, then it might be a problem having them there. are we willing to pull them out, start them somewhere else, and if yes, what do we then want for them? and what is there in the area where we live? we have been all over the place, considering homeschooling (or more like it "homekindergartening"), kindergarten for special need children, trying just another type of kindergarten, staying where they are with extra help etc. everything seems to have pros and cons, and i am really confused. and then of course there's that extra little catch, that what might be good for one, might not be for the other. i have not distinguished between them here, but obviously they are not the same, but i am really struggling with the thought of separating them. i feel they belong together.
the other day i completely freaked, because i wanted "to do something". the thing is, i am not sure i can do anything before i have settled my own struggles on the matter. every time i talk to someone close to the kids, to friends, or to "specialists", i tend to question the feeling i had the moment before. and the same goes for my husband. sometimes this feeling makes me doubt myself and my parenting. i am their mother, shouldn't i know them best, what is right for them and what they need? why am i confused and feeling insecure?
i have this feeling that we are gambling. whatever we do there's no way to say "sorry, that didn't work, it was a mistake, we'll try this now". or i guess there is, but everything we do will have a consequence, so i just wish i felt more sure about it. then i could at least say that i did what i truly believed was best. i guess, i am looking for some sort of safety net, but life doesn't have that.
anyway, we're on the path, there are some bumps, but i do realize that the most important thing is to show your children how much you love them. so in all my confusion, that is my mantra and guide: just love them.