details and bumpy roads

sometimes it seems like my auto focus zooms in on the little things, the details, and that i miss the big picture. but then other times it is clear that it is those details that make a whole.

i know that at some point this time of life will be just another bump in the road behind me. i also know that my proportions are a little out of sync with reality. that too much back and forth is going on in my mind.

i have spent much of my life to accept and go with the flow. but that seems so much easier when only considering consequences for myself. right now i find it overwhelming to be a parent. especially parenting a child with special needs.

sometimes i need to remind myself that even if there is only so much i can do, this is the best i can do.

that time of the year

so, we're back beaching. this winter was long, wet and cold, and i must admit it got the better of me in the end. luckily the sun and the warmer weather came right in time for pesach and this long weekend of yom hazicharon and yom haatzmaut (that's memorial day immediately followed by indepence day).

this big guy past away a couple of days ago. we found him one afternoon in the back of the garden, lying as if he was asleep. there were no visible wounds or anything, so we think he might have run in to a snake. now he's buried pretty much where we found him, under that tree in the back of the garden.

what?!

they just wanted to paint the door of the wood house in the garden.

everything is fine here. we're still trying to make the right choices. i don't know if there are any more right than others, or if we simply make them right. maybe that's the only real choice.

unclear horizon

i told you we had summer :)

which is good since we also have vacation. and summer sun and beach go so well with long days at home.

kids at home keeping my mind busy. only in those little breaks of silence when they are occupied with something, somewhere, or at night after they have gone to sleep do i realize how blurry things are right now.

life has taken some twists and turns and to be honest we don't really know how to continue, what to choose. i wish i was more happy go lucky one day at a time. but i'm not. maybe if it was only me. but it's the five of us and there are so many pieces in this big puzzle of our.

for someone who seems to do best with stability i sure do leave things to the last moment.

anyway, what i wanted to say is that we're having a good time right now, but looking at the big picture we're both freaking out a bit. not that i have a choice, but i'm wondering if i'd rather have it the other way around.

outside :: inside

beets and sage in bloom - both from the garden.

it's been quiet from me. it's pesach here and easter elsewhere. D's of work and so are the kids. i'm going in tomorrow, but besides from that we've enjoyed being at home and at the beach. yes! at the beach! it's summer. or technically spring. doesn't matter. the house is warm, we're walking barefoot, got out the swim and beach gear, and some (not me!) are even swimming in the ocean again.

went to tlv the other day. D played beach volley and i had brunch with the boys at the beach cafe. then, as i was paying the bill, N had to go to the bathroom fast. and in the midst of packing all our stuff and getting the kids together i forgot to get the receipt back. and with that my credit card. this is the third time i've cancelled and ordered a new card in a year. actually four. i also cancelled my danish credit card one of the times. seriously. is it possible to live without credit cards in this world today? cause i am really considering that. just seems like i'm not fit for it. most annoying thing is, i'm sure it's there at that cafe, but they can't find it. last time i lost my wallet i closed the card and the next morning they called from the train station where's i'd left it while buying a bottle of water. i just walked out of there. to be honest, i lost it one more time, but that time i got it back before cancelling. again, i left it in a cafe with the receipt.

but at least D was cool about it. he's gotten really irritated in the past, but yesterday he wasn't too bad. annoyed, but keeping it to himself. or maybe he's just accepting that he'll just have to get used to it.

luckily photos don't smell

of course they wanted to bring it home. of course it smells really bad whenever you pass it in the garden. but at some point the smell will disappear i assume. until then it stays in the garden. far away from the house.