they just keep on coming

still loving bears. and they just keep coming. some still in process, some (i think) done. and then others just appearing.

ps. i know. it's corner view. but it just didn't happen for me today. maybe i will follow up in the coming days, but only if the weather get's better. it's so awful cold in the house i just cannot get out of my big, soft, woolen cocoon. and it's not my style. or at least not the style i would like to pretend i have. like "normal clothes" style

time to bring out the oxtail

the sun has left the building. and with that the little summer we enjoyed this weekend. it's actually ok. if there's one thing i know for sure, it is that i will get plenty of sun sooner or later. this is, after all, the middle east. but for now we're indoors, listening to the rain and the wind.

good thing is, that this weather calls for some heavy and hearty food, so what better time than this to bring out the oxtail? i love oxtail. for soup or, like here, stew. i was one of those kids. i loved oxtail, liver and heart. and the neck of the chicken or the turkey. in fact my older brother and i would have a ritual fight about who would get the heart and who would get the neck when we had chicken. and my mom would shake her head (and probably be slightly worried about our sanity).

but seriously, oxtail is so tasty and oh so yummy. and i recently had D's mom get me a stash of oxtail for the freezer. and then i was waiting for a day like this. a cold and rainy day.

so, if you're ready to try, this is what you do:

• braise the oxtail pieces (i had about 1/2 a kilo cut into 4-5 cm pieces) in a heavy pot, then take them out for a moment, while frying a finely chopped onion.
  
• add the oxtail again plus 8-10 whole, peeled cloves of garlic, and just about cover the oxtail with water (1/2 liter maybe). add salt, thyme, bay leaves, and - if you like spicy - some chili powder, as well as half a chili pepper finely sliced.
  (i knew the kids would not eat this, if they were i would have left out the chili. the garlic on the other hand is ok. it cooks for such a long time that it becomes mild and not strong at all).
• leave the oxtail to simmer in the crock pot under heavy lit for three hours.
  if you are to make this into a soup skim some of the fat away before adding extra water (you might want to do this no matter what you are making depending on how much fat was on the oxtail pieces and whether you cleaned them from some of the fat before you started cooking). you could add a bit of port wine too, or chicken/beef/vegetable broth if you like, but i don't think it's necessary.
• when it's boiling again, add your veggies. i used one little celery root, two carrots, two red onions and a leek. i cut celery and carrots in little cubes, onions in little "boats" and leek cut into one cm slices. cook until carrots and celery are done (approx. 15-20 min).
• some people would prefer to take out the oxtail and remove the meat from the bones and then add it to the stew/soup again. i like to eat it as finger food with the bones. but it's greasy and nasty, and not recommended if you are to eat this meal with people, who you would like to think of you as a classy lady.

i served it with mashed potato, but it could also go well with rice, and if you make it into a soup, noodles would be good too. i am pretty sure a scoop of sour cream would have made it even more perfect, but that's a matter of taste, i guess.

definitely a meal for cold weather. it's slow cooking, filling the house with a smell of goodness while simmering away. and it warms all the way to the soul.

focus, please

i read this post by polly of sotto voce a little while back. and it stayed with me. focus should be my new mantra. ever since i lost my job i have been thinking about what to do. and thinking is the keyword here. i have so many half ideas, but cannot stay focused long enough to do much about anything.

what do i want to be when i grow up? i am getting re-acquainted with that question, but it's not a question that gets me all excited. not like back then, when the future was an eternity away and you were on a solo trip, making the all-options-open adventurous and exciting. cause if you didn't really like it, you could just do something else. right now, all-options-open makes me feel stressed out and uncomfortable. it's kind of tiring to wake up in the morning not knowing who you are, or at least who you would like to be.

i mean, i have the fundamental things pretty defined: i am a mother, a wife, a daughter and a friend. but those are all things that define me in a relation to others. which is good, can't live without that. but i have this urge to define myself in in relation to... well me. is that spoiled? unrealistic with little children, bills that need to be paid, laundry that needs to be done?

i feel a bit spoiled. especially when i compare my existential concerns to those with real problems in the world. like having your entire life literally turned into rubble and chaos in an earth quake. it feels a bit like when you were a kid and didn't want to eat and appreciate the food you were served, only to have some adult person remind you about all the starving children in africa. it makes you feel bad.

so, don't take me wrong. i do feel lucky. to have the time to struggle with existential issues and the good old who am i is pretty privileged, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating.

so, where was i? focus, that's right. i need to focus.

yup, it's hot here

we went to the beach yesterday. it was beautiful and warm. and that's me in the second photo. i just wanted to show you that i actually wore a t-shirt yesterday. and if i did that, it was a really warm day (because usually i am the last one to get rid of the layers :)

after wards we went to the local fishermen. they have their own little place where they sell fried fresh fish with salad, hummus and chips. nothing fancy, just a few tables, and a impromptu kitchen in a small wooden shed (ok, it's been there for a few years, so not really impromptu anymore, only the feel of it is). but the view is something else. and the fish... let me tell you: it's good!

hope you're enjoying your weekend too. i'm off to the city with a good friend for brunch and, you know, city life.

bear loving

i have been making bears lately. in drawings and stitches. not sure why, but they fascinate me. do you have periods where you are drawn to something, just because?

corner view - holidays

i love the light of the holidays. december was so full of candles. christmas calendar candles, advent candles, hanukka candles, and just candles. and fairy lights.

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i have been a mother of twin boys for four years. two years ago little D came along and joined the fun. still, mentally i have not fully adjusted to the new reality of the holidays. that holidays are not relaxing. not about sleeping in, cuddling up, forgetting myself in a book, watch episode after episode of a favorite show, eating brunch and reading newspapers for hours.

for the past four years holidays have been exhausting. not in a bad way, but still exhausting. they start early with three boys taking over my bed. and then the jumping, running, shouting, playing, talking, arguing, laughing, crying and everything else that comes along with those three little boys. and me and D trying to organize, direct, redirect, guide, comfort, entertain (or sneak in a moment to regain sanity). until by evening they are once again asleep. and i can hardly see straight anymore (see the photos ;)

and that's when the still comes. that sweet quiet that follows a day filled with the kind of noise only kids can make. happy, angry, ultimate, energetic, full of life. it blends with the silence in the air, and i need it, just like i need oxygen.

i still miss the old kind of holidays, and i dream about the day they will return. but i try to breath in the new times, every second of it. even when i'm about to go crazy. cause i know they will be over before i know it, and i will miss them too.

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need a few more holidays? jane of spain daily will lead the way.

fresh bread and morning sun

i baked this bread in the weekend. i do that quite often, because, well, it's the best bread ever. so simple, so good. it's baked in an iron cast pot, which makes the crust to die for. this time around i used 2/3 wheat flour and 1/3 whole wheat flour. i added some quinoa and oats as well as dried dates.

just out of the oven it is so hot you can hear the crust cracking as it adjusts to the cold. you can even see it changing a tiny bit in the structure. i love to watch and listen. this particular morning it was extra pretty, as the early morning sun was shining through the window. the kids were still snuggling up in bed with D, leaving me alone in the quiet kitchen with a cup of coffee in my hand. standing there, surrounded by golden morning light and the scent of freshly baked bread mixing with the smell of my coffee, i felt content.